The Big Megilla
copyright 1994 Bill Averbach all rights reserved. Used with permission.
The holiday of Purim celebrates the freedom of Jews from the jive that the advisor to the King of Persia, that uncool dude, Haman (Hey man!), laid on everyone. This dude hated anyone who was different than him and his homeboys. "Waste em all!" That was his jive line. Too bad he wasn't hip to this babe Esther who dug the scene from the other side of the fence.
Now Esther, Mordechai's niece, was so beautiful that everyone who grooved with her dug her. And the King was no exception, he fell madly in love with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life. And dig this. The royal Sir Bubba was lost in the stars over Esther with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life and wasn't groovin' to anything that old Hey Man was layin' on him so he told him to chill 'cause he dug a beautiful and groovy babe downtown and someone hipped him that her name was Esther. He was gone over that chick Esther with the cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life and could not dig anything the evil dude, Hey Man! was sayin'.
Hey Man dug this and dug that the Sir Bubba was not diggin' anything and so laid his jive down in the dark where the Sir Bubba could not dig his groove. What an evil dude! Hey Man greased some palms and slid some stuff past the big Sir Bubba that was totally uncool. Dig. Hey Man sent put out a contract on the King so he could dig the scene with his jiveness and uncool ideas and sent for these two twisted cats to do the dirty work. But Uncle Mort happened to dig the scene these jive dudes were planning for the King and his kingly court of cool cats and hipped Sir Bubba; Numero Uno to it. He said, "YO! Do you dig that two mean and twisted evil dudes out there are tryin' to lay you low in the dirt so's one of your homeboys can take over your groovy pad Sir Bubba?"
When the Kingly Sir Bubba heard this he told Uncle Mort what a groovy cat he was and to dig this trip he was goin' to lay on him for the hipness of his groove. He said "Uncle Mort, you lay low while I check out the scene and I'll dig you later bro'." Well, needless to say the Kingly Sir Bubba wasted those two twisted and evil dudes not digging that Hey Man was the man. He went to his right hand man and said to him "Hey man! Are you hip to those mean and twisted evil dudes out there that want to do me in or what?!!! I dig this one dude who made me hip to the jive that's been goin' down dig? And I want to dig this groovy dude for the groovy way he dug diggin' this dude. What should I do?"
Well, Hey Man dug this all wrong and thought that the Sir Bubba was diggin' him for bein' such a groovy guy and told the Sir Bubba to lay a heavy, heavy trip on this dude by laying his short on him in the winter so's the hawk don't get him and let the city groove on this dude in the Sir Bubba's wheels with a kingly member of his court leading the way shouting, "Dig this cool hipness! This groovy, groovy dude saved us from some terrible stuff! What a hip cat! What a cool bubba! He's up there with the Prez and Bird and Diz and Miles and the Mezz!"
The King grooved on the vibes a minute and then said that Hey Man was right and cool and groovy and Hey Man was the cat to dig the scene with Uncle Mort and dig the groove in his hippest jive so's that all would dig how Uncle Mort had flipped the lip on those mean and twisted evil dudes.
Hey Man flipped when he dug what was happenin' and you can dig the jazz that the Hey Man felt; it was not a beautiful scene. Hey man blew his cool and flipped his lid. He jived the big Sir Bubba into diggin' that the Jews did this uncool thing that was really what the mean and twisted evil dudes did. Hey Man hepped the Sir Bubba to uncool jive diggin' how the Jews were the real problem. He said "Yo dude! Dig this trip! If I were you I'd be diggin' those Jewish cats with their out to lunch threads and uncool jive and keep them away from the grooviness of your kingly pad or they'll dig the free scene and do you in with their jive." So Hey Man! slid some jive stuff past Sir Bubba;"No Jews could groove in the spirit they dug and if they did groove their own groove Hey Man would put a contract out on them."
When Esther with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life dug the jiveness of the evil groove that Hey Man was layin' on her brothers and sisters she said to Uncle Mort, "Later baby! I'm gonna straighten Sir Bubba out once and for all." You see, she dug that the Sir Bubba had flipped for her big time. So she grooved in her grooviest threads with her wildest jewelry and checked out the Sir Bubba and his groovy court. When she slid into the groovy court everybody in the pad fell silent and dug Esther with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life, sayin', ... "Dig". Sir Bubba, his eyes fixed on her, thought, "Dig this groovy, luscious beauty with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she digs the beauty and hipness of Life!"
Esther with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life dug the kingly Sir Bubba diggin' her in his crib. She also dug how her jive blew him away and that she could groove the scene anyway she wanted. She said to the Sir Bubba that there were some jive and twisted evil dudes in his kingly cool court who were making uncool remarks about her brothers and sisters in a very ungroovy way and that if she was gonna hip herself to his scene he had to get his act together with these dudes first.
Then Esther with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life invited Sir Bubba to a jam she was gonna throw just for him (and Hey Man!) and said, "If you like to doodle-deedle and you dig swingin' cats blowin' mean tunes on their axes you'll dig this mean scene. Anyway, I got some news for you".
'Round Midnight while the muted horn and bass sizzled with the passion of a Persian night, Sir Bubba pulled her aside and said "I don't dig all of what you're layin' on me. This is the swinginest party I have ever seen but please hip me to it baby . You're my main squeeze."
So Esther with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life hipped him to the jive and to Hey Man's ungroovy grooves and that was that. Then the sweet babe, Esther with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life, said that she was not cool about bein' the Sir Bubba's main squeeze because she dug that the Sir Bubba had to dig the jive that everyone dug too, and she, Esther with her cool curves and dark eyes and the groovy way she dug the beauty and hipness of Life, and her brothers and sisters could not to groove with the others for that reason.
The Sir Bubba, Numero Uno dug what had gone down and laid the heaviest trip he could on the uncool, ungroovy Hey Man and ended all his jive at the end of the same rope that Hey Man dug to use on Uncle Mort and Esther and the other brothers and sisters.
copyright 1994 Bill Averbach all rights reserved